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Expecting the Best
October 10, 2016
Hello,

The conventional; wisdom is that optimism is a human characteristic that will enhance our wellbeing - even if it may be misplaced. We are not talking here about delusional thinking but instead the idea that we presume that the outcome in any given situation or predicament will be better or good rather than worse or bad.

It seems to me that there are two factors at work here. The first is that what you give your attention to is what you will tend to find – and so if there is a better outcome out there, then the least you can do is to be looking for it.

The second is that if your expectations are positive then you can be more relaxed and your focus will be clearer. But the converse might also be true – that as you relax you become complacent. So maybe you need to feel the heat of the bad to focus your efforts to avoid it? Is this true for you?



THE ART OF FORGETTING IN RELATIONSHIPS
by Sophia Yasmeen

    Sometimes, someone says something in two minutes that makes you feel really bad - they said it in two minutes but it is still there inside the register of your mind two months or even two years later. How could they! Who do they think they are! Something happened in two minutes and you remember it, you repeat it again in your mind and in your words during interactions with others. You keep replaying the scene repeatedly in your mind. Just like an action replay of a cricket match, you see the replays from different angles and judge the scene in many different and negative ways and come to different conclusions, most of which are negative in nature. With this you strengthen that experience in your mental register. Memories and the experiences associated with the memories replayed continuously in the conscious mind enter your sub-conscious, so that even after a long period of time you remember what they said to you. The other person unburdened themselves and forgot it straightaway.

    It's like your neighbour who takes out rubbish, throws it outside his house, into your compound and forgets about it and you allow that rubbish to remain there, without thinking of getting it cleaned. Someone throws a few words at you and they forget, but not only do you not forget but you repeat them in your mind to such a point that at times these action replays do not even let you sleep. We need to learn the art of forgetting memories that generate shadows of hurt or pain in our present. The past has already gone and what you have now is the present moment.

Sophia is a beautiful writer and I am happily sharing her work in my Feelbetter Newsletter.

best wishes
Andrew


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