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Feeling Safe
September 10, 2012

    Feeling safe is the first call. Without that, all bets are off. And after that, our emotional health is directly related to our sense of autonomy and control. We have to find the freedom to take decisive action in the work we do and the relationships we co-create. And thereby being able to take responsibility for the consequences of that action.

I wrote the above at the end of last week’s newsletter and below are profound words of wisdom, written by yours truly covering the question of safety – see bold above. And why have Iwritten this you will be asking – because it is an extract from a book I am writing. Wow you will be thinking.

Safety gets you to first base

Feeling safe is the first requirement for emotional health - in order to get beyond first base and so be in a position to strive for real control and empowerment. This primarily concerns physical safety but also emotional and indeed financial safety may be part of feeling unsafe, even though these last two are more difficult to define. We need to just stick with what is a commonsense understanding of safety, where the demands and pressures of the exposure to being unsafe takes over and threatens everything else.

Safety just like so much else is about balance. The idea that we could ever attain a position of being completely safe - of being totally protected from all risk to our physical and emotional being is both impossible and undesirable. The implication of even attempting this is to see our existence as unchanging and potentially risk free and fails to understand that it is by the exposure to risk and therefore the possibility of pain and suffering, that we learn lessons about ourselves and the world that are essential for our survival.

It follows therefore that we each will have a greater or lesser resistance to pain and suffering and by implication, different tolerances to being unsafe. Unsafety which is debilitating arises from a reality where there is no means to escape – such as living in an abusive relationship and being stuck there, unable either to mitigate the abuse or to endure it better.

This anonymous quote gets the drift of it - Change and pain are part of life, but suffering is optional.

If the change that is part of all our lives is also an intolerable and unrelievable suffering, then an individual is lost and for a society in which such unrelieved suffering is extensive, then it too is lost.

best wishes

Andrew Richardson
Feelbetter Counselling East London

94 Malford Grove, London E18 2DQ

Direct Line: 0208 257 0429 Mobile: 07870 104651 Skype: famrichhg

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