Being in control is like a bath tap. The flow of water can be controlled perfectly of course with a well functioning tap - a little more or a lot more or less, a little hotter or a little cooler until the bath is full and the tap can be turned off.

But what if the tap wasn't working properly - so you could not have a bath or control its temperature or the flow of the water? Well that would depend wouldn't it? Maybe you could fix the tap easily enough by turning off the water at the mains and replacing the washer. Perhaps the tap needs oiling or perhaps you have no idea about taps but you know a good plumber and you have the funds to pay him and can call him on the phone and get him around pretty quickly. Or maybe you have another bath in the house or can go to a neighbour for a bath or use a shower or decide that you don't need to wash yourself at all or you could get by with a quick wash at the sink

So, there are endless possibilities that can keep you quite calm and safe and functioning well, even in the absence of a tap that works. In these circumstances also you will clearly feel in reasonable control and indeed if you adjusted creatively and efficiently to the lack of a workable tap, then feelings of control might well have enhanced.

But what if the lack of a tap that works really gets to you? The fact that you cannot even control the bathing options in your life really becomes quite serious. Probably because it reminds you of all the other areas of your life where apparently simple things are very difficult or cannot be facilitated in the way that everybody else seems to be able to make them work. You are reminded of how little money you have and how the rest of the house in which you live is also a mess - the heating, cooking, and the rubbish collection -you name it.

Before you know it, you are you really not thinking straight as your emotions gush uncontrollably. You are losing a sense of perspective. Then your arousal levels continue to rise and maybe you can feel that all too familiar sense of panic which you will do anything to avoid.. You are reminded of just how pathetic you are or how unfair life is and that the only way to survive is to watch yourself and everybody like a hawk. Maybe the best thing is that you hide yourself away from other people because you are so embarrassed to meet them. What will they be thinking about you? Further you may realise that you don’t have a decent job (or any job), let alone get your bath problem sorted.

And all for want of a tap!

best wishes

Andrew Richardson
Feelbetter Counselling East London

94 Malford Grove, London E18 2DQ

Direct Line: 0208 257 0429 Mobile: 07870 104651 Skype: famrichhg