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What are we looking for?
March 20, 2017

What we are looking for is a question with many answers. And here are three possibles that occur to me :


I am not such a big fan of the first, as the opposite – of a state of discontent is part of the human condition and needs to be understood as a necessary but by no means sufficient condition for growth and development.

And what about resilience? Well I like this a lot more and have often believed that greater resilience for my clients was what I was aiming for. I use the metaphor of the tree – with roots that go deep into the earth. The tree will bend with the wind but neither break nor be uprooted.

But to flourish must be the best of the three? For, if we are flourishing, we will also be resilient and often enough contented as well. But there will be more too.

And what might that be? Think about it!

by Sophia Yasmeen

    To cease any kind of emotional turmoil one needs to have insight. To have insight one needs to accept the present moment. In my Yoga (meditation) before starting the day, I accept everything, whether I am experiencing pleasure, pain, boredom, excitement. All these feelings are just conditioned phenomena. In the last couple of days I was unable to have this insight due to suffering from sharp neck and shoulder pain and I had only moments of insight while meditating. As a result I kept going right back into my old habits. This caused so much despair with my practice. Even though I had all the information yet the force in victim of conditioning stopped from seeing the wood. It is only this morning as I was watching a little bird through bedroom window sitting on a branch and it reminded me of the poignant poem by D H Lawrence "A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." The poet here portrayed.... what separates man from beast, human from non-human.

    As it turns out, self-pity is one of those things that only humans can master. It comes with a very negative connotation, as if to say that this exclusively human trait makes us inferior. I was trying too hard to control my feelings and forgot that the trick is to trust this awareness to the point that it becomes my refuge. Only when I regained this power I realised the importance of continuing having this insight. The magic is not in following certain customs and rituals these are only aids. The real magic is in having insight and the continuation of it.

Sophia is a beautiful writer and I am happily sharing her work in my Feelbetter Newsletter.

best wishes

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