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Anger tools for today and to clear yesterdays
Try LIFE L- Active listening plus matching, pacing and if necessary leading. Allow the person to have their point of view – don’t treat as an object.
I – I not you statements.
F – Freedom to own our problem, which leads to problem solving.
E – Everyone is a winner, negotiate, see the others point of view, engage their model of reality and use your imagination.
| Closing Angry Files If at any time in your life you have felt strong anger towards someone and were unable to express it, an ‘open angry file’ is created in your brain. This is done to protect you from what the brain perceives as a dangerous enemy. This anger pattern can be activated inappropriately and for ‘no good reason’. To close the file is easy In your mind, relive the first time you were the angriest but did not express it and then in your mind confront the person and express your anger as fully as possible. Express everything, no holds barred. See the person standing there, listening and trying to defend their actions. Blow their defences out of the water. You have to leave the scene as the winner of that confrontation. Mona Mahfouz,Human Givens Journal, vol 15
| Using your Imagination - Watch yourself from outside yourself - your facial expressions and body positions and the other person’s responses. And now notice something you have never noticed before – that you feel more calm
- What would it be like to observe yourself being calm, looking calm - almost as if you could send a wave of calmness
- Imagine standing up to that anger
- See that line in the sand and being able to move back from it before you get too near it. And as you count from 1 to 10 you can become more aware of a smooth and comfortable place – complete relaxation.
- There can be real strength in gentleness. You can become stronger than that puny anger.
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The STOP system for Pattern breaking - Angers, Addictions, Panic attacks S - Stop/interrupt that behaviour
T - Take a step back
O - into your Observing Self
P - Practise awareness and emotional intelligence |
Return to Anger
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East London, on the Central Line, around 30 minutes from the City
94 Malford Grove, South Woodford, London E18 2DQ
for Woodford, Wanstead, Leytonstone, Leyton, Walthamstow, Chingford, Highams Park, Hackney, Forest Gate, Stratford and Bethnal Green.
Also Chigwell. Epping, Buckhurst Hill, Ilford, Barkingside and Loughton, Edmonton, Enfield, Ponders End
Landline: 020 8257 0429, Mobile/text: 07870 104651, Skype name: famrichhg
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Relaxation and Empowerment
Right-click to download this Mp3 file here.
Case study: Greg Greg was a New Zealander in his mid 30s who came to see me because his uncontrollable anger was risking the relationship with the woman who was bearing his child. Greg had endured a very difficult upbringing with addicted parents who ignored him. And he remembers an occasion when as a young boy, he had almost killed his younger brother in a great rage which he could see had really calmed him down at that moment. Greg had spent a number of years of heavy addiction and generally bumming around but had recovered from this period and was now clean. However there was still a heavy toll – in terms of traumatic events he had had to contend with and a life where his anger outbursts had become an important strategy for him – to keep some kind of control and to assert himself. Greg saw me over an extended four month period. During that time we cleared the molar memories around the anger outburst when Greg was young and used Rewind to clear memories particularly from his teenage years. We also worked hard on day to day matters – learning relaxation tools and visualising being calmer and avoiding trigger situations. Shortly after finishing, Greg and his new family returned to New Zealand.
The flight or flight response, activating the amygdale is at the heart of most angers (as well as pretty well all anxieties).
The first session will only be charged if you found that it helped and/or you decide to continue with me. Over 85% of my clients feel better at the end of their treatment - normally around 4 sessions. This is a high number and should give you confidence. I am pretty well unique as a private therapist - to maintain such records.
Anyone can become angry - that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way - this is not easy.
Aristotle |
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