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**Communication guidelines**
Be calm – and so have awareness and if needed, ask for time outs. Be specific – avoid generalisations. Avoid blame and who is right discussions. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings and point of view. Speak non-defensively by changing your mindset of your partner. Use your imagination to creatively put yourself in your partner’s place. Be accountable for the things you say and do. Stay with the recent past when you talk about your problems. Catch your partner doing something right and give them credit for it. Find pleasurable activities to do together.

**Something for you to think about**
What it was that attracted you to your partner. What can you do, say, think or feel that would be different? Ask yourself what you could do for your partner today that they would really enjoy. Then do it, or ask why you will not. Remember what it was that attracted you to your partner. Recall and feel again those good times. Feel those good times again. Ask yourself the tail end questions If my relationship improved, then the consequence for me would be . . . What am I afraid of if this relationship improved? What would I have to give up and what would I get? It is so easy and a natural human trait to focus on what is wrong that we often forget or downplay what is good. So begin to open your mind to notice and acknowledge the good in both the past and present of your relationship.

**Reflective Listening between men and women**
If I could give you just one piece of advice it would be that you practise reflective listening. Listen carefully to what your partner is saying and repeat it back to him/her "let me see if I have got it right - what you are saying is......." Only say your piece when he/she is content that you have heard. Feel the emotional temperature fall and realize you are both beginning to meet in the middle. Men and women do have different thinking and feeling styles Men are specific, solution orientated and tend to get on with things or when aroused want to be alone. They worry more about status and are less comfortable with high emotion. Women will talk more, enjoy equality in relationships, be more comfortable with emotions and can multitask better.


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East London, on the Central Line, around 30 minutes from the City
94 Malford Grove, South Woodford, London E18 2DQ
for Woodford, Wanstead, Leytonstone, Leyton, Walthamstow, Chingford, Highams Park, Hackney, Forest Gate, Stratford and Bethnal Green.
Also Chigwell. Epping, Buckhurst Hill, Ilford, Barkingside and Loughton, Edmonton, Enfield, Ponders End

Landline: 020 8257 0429, Mobile/text: 07870 104651, Skype name: famrichhg

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Relationship information and help

John Gottman – Why Marriages succeed or fail. Visit his site here

Anne Moir – the differences between men and women.Visit her site here

Elly Prior – professional relationship counselling.Visit her site here

Needs Audit - right-click to download.

I will happily evaluate them and perhaps be able to suggest your next step.

Read more about Essential Needs here

Relaxation and Empowerment
Right-click to download this Mp3 file here.

Download my Relationship Mp3

Improving Partner Relationships

Case study: David and Nesta

David and Nesta were arguing too much of the time and at times she was scared of David as his temper could be very short. They both came to see me – needing to feel better with each other so that they could turn their attention to her lack of work and his heavy overworking commitment. There were other area that caused distress between them, manly related to her eldest son from her previous marriage.
We agreed that they would practice being more respectful of each other and at that first session my role was to help them communicate clearly and calmly what they each wanted to say. This was a revelation to then and out of this they both developed a strong to using and practising reflective listening skills whenever they were aware of tensions rising.
After that first session I saw them both separately for two sessions before one final session together. They each needed to work on particular issues. For Nesta it was about building her confidence to get the work she wanted. For David, there was unquestionably some anger patterns that needed to be cleared.

The first session will only be charged if you found that it helped and/or you decide to continue with me.

Over 85% of my clients feel better at the end of their treatment - normally around 4 sessions. This is a high number and should give you confidence. I am pretty well unique as a private therapist - to maintain such records.

I work mainly face to face but am not limited to those who live in or within a reasonable distance of east London.I use Skype and email also and find that this can work just as well.

Counselling in East London for:South Woodford, London E18, Wanstead, Snaresbrook, Leytonstone, London E11, Leyton, London E10, Walthamstow, London E17, Chingford, London E4, Bethnal Green, London E2, Stratford, London E15, Hackney, London E8, Bow, London E3, Clapton, London E5, Forest Gate, London E7, Mile End, London E1 and the City, London EC2‎‎

Essex:‎ Woodford, Buckhurst Hill, Chigwell, Epping, Ilford, Barking, Hainault, Romford, Goodmayes, Chadwell Heath, Upminster‎‎

Hertfordshire:‎ Barnet, Enfield, Cheshunt‎‎

North London‎: Edmonton, London N9, Crouch End, London N8, Tottenham, London N15, Islington, London N1


We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy is when men (or women) are afraid of the light. Plato